Rain Dance

[RiverNotch]

Lord of the sun,
humble, you cover the land.
The grains of my guilt grow hotter; Just to clean things up, make things more regularly Biblical, I'd rather cleaning up the punctuation a bit. Comma instead of semicolon.
keep me cool in you're infinite fans. "your", not "you're".

Lord of the wind,
carry me in your hands; Period.
lift me up when I falter; Comma.
support me that I may stand.

Lord of the earth,
let the river flow through your dams. A little weird -- so you want God the Supreme's dams to be destroyed? you praise him, then ask him to be torn down? Thus, maybe not "your".
My roots will wilt without water,
disintegrating in the sand. Better to support the parallelism here -- "disintegrate".

Lord of the trees, 
thirst limits the growth in your plants,
anxiously awaiting the thunder The structure of the sentence is a little weird here, I think, as "anxiously awaiting the thunder" is not as vivid as everything else so far, considering these are plants. Also, I just noticed the rhyme scheme, so that's good.
that signals the end of their dance. At least here you break free from the regular syntax.

Lord of the beasts,
You came to me and I ran, You didn't capitalize "your" before, so why not go the fully English route and not capitalize it here, either?
but nothing compares to your hunger. Ugh, I think of Prince's "nothing compares to you". But no, not a serious thought.
Forgive your wayward lambs. I do like the speaker talking about being ravaged by God.

Lord of kings,
I'm not an innocent man,
but like David before the altar,
it's justice that you demand. I don't think the David before the altar thing works for all throughout the poem, since the baking metaphor isn't consistent -- that is to say, the temple contained bread, not plain grains. But the feeling does pervade, so you don't have to remove David -- if you want to somehow crystallize it, though, maybe add something that talks about flour-grinding and ovens.
I also notice the movement, interrupted by the sudden abstractness of the following stanza -- from sun, to earth, to kings. As is the history of creation, I suppose, and the history of civilization. Smooth.

God is truth, love, and infinite.
God is in all things.
God is good. I agree with the earlier notes. This whole stanza is expendable.

So again, bar the last stanza, smooth. Close to being as vivid as the Bible, but who can be as vivid as the Bible, these days, and not just plain copy it? Lovely work.