Boxer Theological

[Bueller]

yeah, well it sucks. indescribable suckage. i wish i were dead. no. i wish the fucking copper that stopped me was dead. and his family. and everyone he knows. although, the lady police officer was had the perfect nose and was really smart and talked about waiting for godot and how she had studied drama. the gods can spare her.

Heaven spare all the beautiful officers and the ugly ones too. The corrupt ones, however, can go immediately to hell.

Are you looking for crit on this?

you can crit it all you like. apart from Todd's kind words, i am not sure what it is, really. it is a stream of consciousness thing. . . but, i barely structured it, so it it more like automatic writing with a few linking ideas. but critique away.

Yeah, I think that the feeling of stream of consciousness works very well. The thread about the woman (the first three lines about the glass, the golf course) and about the speaker's perceived deficiencies (the fingernails, the hands, throwing punches) are the most compelling parts and they play very well off one another. I also think that you could build more on the confession to the mother -- the poem already has the feeling of a confession, and the direct confession feels like an extension of this. A direct confession to the woman would be very powerful as well.

Anyway, those parts are the wheat, and I would fashion the poem around them. The rest detracts, IMO.