10-27-2016, 06:49 AM
I'd like to critique this in full, but will only say the story's quirky and fun, in a somewhat ghoulish way. The cyclical aspect of planting a new tree to replace the fatal one is amusing and smart. (Suggestion: who has planted the new sun to set and slash through it?)
Ambivalent about the title. Cyclical might be "October Burns Again," but better... "October Catches Fire?" "October Alight?"
Was jarred by the temporary switch to present tense in the last line of S2. But S3 is timeless and descriptive, not really past tense. Hmmm...
S1 might be a bit wordy - should go fast as the car and the deadly blades of light.
Good read! Thanks.
Ambivalent about the title. Cyclical might be "October Burns Again," but better... "October Catches Fire?" "October Alight?"
Was jarred by the temporary switch to present tense in the last line of S2. But S3 is timeless and descriptive, not really past tense. Hmmm...
S1 might be a bit wordy - should go fast as the car and the deadly blades of light.
Good read! Thanks.
Non-practicing atheist