Yellow Evening

[MadelineAnne]

Hi azure. I like the originality of the language and images. I have a few thoughts below.

heart pangs ~this feels like a weak entrance to me. Sets the poem up to be viewed as sappy or woe is me.
the rose-hewn sky barks
violet lightening
I'm slicing
details of daylight apart
in my mind like silence does ~I'd leave off "does sometimes." I don't think you need those two words.
sometimes. ~I don't understand why you bother with periods at the end of some lines when there is no other punctuation.

tonight is ripe with refusal
in this hermitage
air is sulfurous.

sidewalks cohort with abstract devils
the city dwellers yawn and screech and weep
constellations rush out to rust
as the Moon rises

I heed not certain thoughts. ~I don't like the sudden insertion of a more antique mode of speech. Especially when the rest feels so modern. I wouldn't use 'heed' at all, actually. Maybe substitute another word that's more up to date.

Otherwise, it's a very fun read.