10-26-2016, 04:24 AM
It's getting better. I think it would sound better if two of the lines were: fluid fills my nostrils, Ophelia in the water . . . , like that. Getting rid of 'the' and adding that comma and getting rid of 'as'.
While you're at it, it might sound better at the end if it read: trusting the Blue Fairy instead of using 'and'. The use of words like 'and' and 'so' and 'but' can be balanced to strengthen your rhythm, since they're not always necessary.
While you're at it, it might sound better at the end if it read: trusting the Blue Fairy instead of using 'and'. The use of words like 'and' and 'so' and 'but' can be balanced to strengthen your rhythm, since they're not always necessary.