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broken ship [newest version]
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10-26-2016, 03:28 AM
I think the problem with all versions is your phrasing. There's too much wordy detail. That's where the art would come in handy. All the things you mention, they'd stand without need for explanation if not for the clumsy phrasing describing the action. That's where you have to be more inventive here.
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| Messages In This Thread |
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broken ship [newest version] - by newmystic - 10-21-2016, 08:15 AM
RE: broken ship - by ellajam - 10-21-2016, 09:30 AM
RE: broken ship - by newmystic - 10-21-2016, 10:04 AM
RE: broken ship - by ellajam - 10-21-2016, 10:14 AM
RE: broken ship - by Achebe - 10-21-2016, 07:10 PM
RE: broken ship - by newmystic - 10-22-2016, 12:32 AM
RE: broken ship [new version] - by newmystic - 10-25-2016, 02:08 PM
RE: broken ship [new version] - by rowens - 10-26-2016, 12:00 AM
RE: broken ship [new version] - by newmystic - 10-26-2016, 01:55 AM
RE: broken ship [new version] - by rowens - 10-26-2016, 03:28 AM
RE: broken ship [newest version] - by newmystic - 10-26-2016, 04:06 AM
RE: broken ship [new version] - by rowens - 10-26-2016, 04:24 AM
RE: broken ship [newest version] - by newmystic - 10-29-2016, 04:28 AM
RE: broken ship [newest version] - by rowens - 10-29-2016, 06:19 AM
RE: broken ship [newest version] - by newmystic - 10-30-2016, 01:19 AM
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