10-26-2016, 12:00 AM
I see this as a vision with literal metaphors. A scientist says things like poetry without art is lame. But I feel you could make the metaphors more literal than they already are. I like the Blue Fairy, and that's a good example. It just would come along and fit, no explanation needed. But lines like, a depression that is anchored to my soul, could be cut out. Not because that one's abstract but because it's too weak for the vision. I take the outside information that your name is mystic, and read the poem mystically rather than merely figuratively. I'm just saying you could strengthen your allusions and metaphors from that approach, and maybe you already are, and in that case, there are no allusions anyway. I also think the Jonah line could be shortened. Something like, My friend is Jonah. Or . . . is now Jonah. But that 'now' makes a funny link. Not funny ha ha, but funny slightly slanted.