10-25-2016, 10:49 AM
(09-30-2016, 09:13 AM)kolemath Wrote: Three-Year-Old with DadI don't honestly know what to make of the poem because I don't know who's recollecting the events. That ambiguity spoils any message for me.
Coffee shop public, crowded murmur, wondering
what below is. What's under there? Every stranger's face. -- ending a sentence on 'is' seems awkward.
What's behind these faces, Dad?
My missing pants.
“You need pants on to go outside,” he said that day.
“I has pants on, Daddy.”
He looked at my bare legs. “Are you fibbing?” He asked in stone.
“No.”
“Do you have on pants?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Time out!”
I can’t say the shame,
only write today -- it's unclear to me if this is the dad recollecting or if it is the child recounting the scene as an adult. Although the use of "he" in the previous stanza is leading me toward the second conclusion.
a chair flew across the room, screams, "Liar!" -- sounds like the chair screamed
And screaming, and suffocating hands,
and stone hands, and hands
I can't stand covering tears and gasps,
hands over my face, suffocating masks.
"I don't has on pants, Dad."
Coffee shop public, I look around, wonder what below is. -- same goes for this as for the line above ending in 'is.'
They don't know what's under here. What's under there? I wonder. -- shouldn't it be, "what's under there, I wonder?"
"Your child is so cute," a woman says, as she passes -- some punctuation at the end here?
“What a great dad, bringing his child to the coffee shop,” her friend agrees.
"Thanks for the moothie, Dad."
Cheers,
Luke
Meep meep.

