10-22-2016, 12:32 AM
You start with your love of a broken ship. It's not clear what the broken ship is a metaphor for - let's say it's your heart. In the second line you're strapped to your own heart, the metaphor fails. Ignoring that, let's see what happens next - you're trying to resist the Sirens' song. Who are these Sirens? Before I can make sense of it, your ship is sinking and you've moved on to Jonah and the whale, before moving on further to a Pinocchio allusion.
Finally, you've got Juliet and Ophelia in there. Ophelia drowned, but Juliet seems to be there by lazy thought association. I don't know what the Blue Fairy is.
I think you need to work on coherence. At the moment, it's just a jumble of unconnected thoughts.
[/quote]
the broken ship is a metaphor for the state of depression I'm in. the siren is the attraction of an unhealthy relationship. but I see now that the metaphors sort of merge with each other without much coherence. I will work on that. right now the puzzle pieces are there, but I need to assemble them more coherently, as you said.
Matthew
Finally, you've got Juliet and Ophelia in there. Ophelia drowned, but Juliet seems to be there by lazy thought association. I don't know what the Blue Fairy is.
I think you need to work on coherence. At the moment, it's just a jumble of unconnected thoughts.
[/quote]
the broken ship is a metaphor for the state of depression I'm in. the siren is the attraction of an unhealthy relationship. but I see now that the metaphors sort of merge with each other without much coherence. I will work on that. right now the puzzle pieces are there, but I need to assemble them more coherently, as you said.
Matthew