broken ship [newest version]

[ellajam]

Hi, welcome to the site. Enjoyable read. While the line breaks seem strong, they weren't enough for me. I think some additional punctuation would improve the read, so I'm starting with some suggestions below, a place to start if you want to consider it.

I fell in love with my broken ship .

A tragedy blew through my vessel ;
strapped to the mast
I tried to resist the Siren's song
but my sail is now torn and down .

or

I fell in love with my broken ship,
a tragedy blew rough my vessel.
Strapped to the mast
I tried to resist the Siren's song Personally I'd go with lower case siren, but your poem.
but my sail is now torn and down.

my comrades have jumped Again, you could use either a period or semicolon here.
the waters have colluded
to toss me into the sea I'd probably go with a period above, aligned with the opening, and a semicolon here.
I guess I drew the shortest straw
my best friend is now Jonah Jonah is unrepentant? If so, you can use a period or semi instead of a comma so that you can use a comma after shaking.
unrepentant, I'm shaking
my legs wet and wooden again, some punctuation here.
I cry out to God,
"I wish I was a real boy."
He says:
"Let your conscience be your guide." Love this whole Pinocchio turn.
so collecting my courage
I look the whale in the eye
I tell him to swallow me whole
with closed eyes
and hands on my chest
I glide into the stream
as Juliet
Ophelia in the water
I surrender to the deep
and trust the Blue Fairy to
rescue my soul

I stopped partway through, if you want further suggestions, just say so. If you'd prefer to stay mostly unpunctuated I'd suggest you do something further with formatting or something to clarify the read. I know this is lightweight crit and may not be what you are looking for but I feel you are shortchanging the poem by leaving it a bit muddled.

Good luck with it, hope this helps a bit.