Beautifully Bound

[newmystic]

Those luscious, golden locks on high
Like water drops fall from the sky
And dare to snare a prideful beast,
For such tendrils is no feat.

Sweet to touch and soft to feel;
One has never felt so real
But suddenly they sway away,
A river's peace I still remain.

Until the surface, struck by rock,
Sends ripples down upon my heart
Will these vines let loose of me,
And leave my soul to wander free.

I LOVE the first stanza. it's very strong. it reminds me of Red Riding Hood (golden locks) confronting the Wolf (beast). it's very haunting and Grimm-like. also similar to Beauty and the Beast. however, the enchantment gets lost in the next two stanzas. gone is the gothic feel and it feels more like a standard poem.

maybe go back to that image in the first stanza as a controlling symbol. see if you can convey the same intensity in the following two stanzas. do you want the reader to feel haunted, or to read something pleasant. haunting is better in my opinion.
you might add a darker tone to the second two stanzas to tie it in with the beast reference in the first.

Matthew