10-20-2016, 01:22 PM
Has been edited to enhance muscularity whilst soothing the toothing.
(10-07-2016, 01:11 PM)RC James Wrote: Zorcas - I guess you intended the sing song chanting quality of this, but for me the subject far outstrips its treatment.different--ahem-- treatment of ending seen in edit may help.
The rhythm, though sing song is even throughout up to the last line which throws that rhythm off.
Maybe
in his soul of a sandbox
You include points that could stand a different treatment RC