The Bard's Something, edit 1: Achebe, kolemath

[Achebe]

It is no lamb but lambs that draw the tiger, .... why not just 'lambs draw the tiger'? Tighter.
say foolish ewe or schizophrenic ram -- ....superfluous line 
the burning beast whose fearful symmetry .... reproducing too much kills the charm of the allusion. Suggest cut out 'fearful'
strikes awful dread even in pastors' eyes ... 'awful' and 'even' are overladen 
spots then stalks then pounces on those alone
and by his sounds of feasting draws the flock
toward his fellow cats. Now caution reaps .... I still don't understand how the sound of feasting draws the flock towards his fellows. 

murder like courage to speak, light to see,
how times have changed: as lions wait for death ... at 'changed' I'm despairing to make sense of what I've just read 

and falcons gyre, tigers gather in packs ..... since tigers don't ordinarily gather in packs but falcons gyre all the time, I'm struggling to see the point of mentioning them both together. The Yeats allusion is  weak, as mentioned earlier.

and wethers peel the poets from the flock,
guessing them better eucharist than eyes.
When shall God's fear revive the slouching pride,
true art return and mend a nation's mind? ... what???

The Bard's Warning


It is no lamb but lambs that draw the cat
whose fearful symmetry strikes awful dread
even in our Lord's eyes -- as if your course,
aloof and distant from the flock, should grant
security. It is no lamb -- the tiger
spots then stalks then pounces on those alone
and by his sounds of feasting draws the flock
toward his fellow hunters. Times have changed:
as lions wait for death and falcons gyre,
tigers gather in flocks and lambs divide.
When shall God's fear revive the slouching pride?
When shall new verse thus well-considered mend
a nation's mind -- and ill-considered, lead
to overthrow of slaughter, haste, and greed?