NATURE PLUS

[Achebe]

 
No matter how much nature thrills
with a host of golden daffodils, .... the allusion feels like parody, maybe because it's an entire line
or a poet’s being can subtly seize .... 'subtly seize' reads like pointless alliteration to me. The 'subtly' sounds like meter filler 

the loveliness of stately trees, ..... 'lovely', 'stately' - all bland, tired adjectives 
or the scent of clematis, the smell of clover, ... scent of clematis is original, at least to me. It's he only bit I like in the poem 

when at last our nature walk is over, .... metre filler. Conversational. Boring.
hearing the unseen bird’s last trill, .... specifying a type of  bird can improve his line
then hearing life’s far greater thrill .... the rest is both prosaic and preachy 
that, against nature’s best
is often our choice:
the friendly sound of a human voice.

The combination of iambic tetrameter, couplet form, and end stoped lines doesn't work so well. It's hard not to sound cliched and staccato as a result, particularly because all perfect rhymes in rhyme poor English have been done to death.

A discussion thread has been opened in case anyone else want to voice their opinion on perfect rhyme. ella