Skeleton On The Sea Floor -- revision

[Achebe]

New revision is up. Am I heading in the right direction?

Thank you, thank you to everyone who stopped by to read and offered suggestions for revision. The comments have been invaluable.

Doesn't work as a prose poem. Prose naturally engages the mind more than the heart, so  in my opinion prose poems work well if they are descriptive and detail-oriented rather than inward looking, if you know what I mean.
 If you're having reconciling different bits of feedback (and by no means do you need to take on board any or all of the feedback - sometimes it's well meant but worthless, mine included), then just leave the work as it is. Maybe you'll find a better way of revising it in the future, but if not just let it be.