10-15-2016, 04:12 AM
Hi, Southern Scarab! I didn't realize you had posted an edit, I just came back to it and it was here! You should probably put your new version above the old version so that people know you've updated it because not everyone will look at the comments.
Overall, I think you did a great job cleaning things up so that it's readable and engaging throughout. The final stanza is still my favorite. I read it as family roots remaining alive despite stresses. Probably way off base, but I like to make up my own storylines for things when there isn't a clear one provided.
I do still feel like you're showing me beautiful elements, images and then not tying them together directly. And, I'm on the fence about whether I'd suggest a change from this. It might actually be nice to have this be a series with some other poems that would help develop some kind of storyline.
Anyway, I think everything reads beautifully. I'd omit "every so often" in the second to last line because I don't think that it adds anything. This is one I keep coming back to, so thanks for posting!
lizziep
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Good advice
I hadn't realized I'd buried the second edit like that, still kind of learning the site.Thank you! The story's a little dubious to me as well, but I didn't want to be too concrete in this one.
It's funny you would say that, because it has three sisters. Putting together a group of poems revolving around Kentucky. Hopefully they'll bring something out in each other
