10-14-2016, 09:14 AM
thanks for the comments on the edits! edit 2 is available for further newspaper beatings.
@lizziep - i'm think flat along the lines of a flat character in a story. i added a line to bring that out more (i hope)
@brown - kafka would be proud of your comments. thanks for the suggestions on pruning and on how the poem is bookended. i'm hoping the commentary which opens and closes the piece zooms out the meaning from just a roach to something more. maybe this isn't working..
@todd - i'm glad to have you back for a critique. your comments on line breaks were helpful. i tried to clean up boring lines.
@lizziep - i'm think flat along the lines of a flat character in a story. i added a line to bring that out more (i hope)
@brown - kafka would be proud of your comments. thanks for the suggestions on pruning and on how the poem is bookended. i'm hoping the commentary which opens and closes the piece zooms out the meaning from just a roach to something more. maybe this isn't working..
@todd - i'm glad to have you back for a critique. your comments on line breaks were helpful. i tried to clean up boring lines.
Thanks to this Forum
