From Oz

[CRNDLSM]

The lone and level sands that fill the bowl
of human understanding do not shift.
I want the lone and level sands to be an hourglass since most of this seems to be about the passing of time.  I understand bowl needs to rhyme with goal, but 'lone sands' doesn't make sense to me you might be able to reword it.

Our pride has no horizons, and our goal
is lasting glory; to this world we gift
such splendid dreams – but who is to recall 
where once we trod, for footsteps always fade
and parchment rots to dust while pillars fall.
I really like all of this, but as one sentence I'm not so sure.  Everything you're asking about to recall is the concrete forms of our dreams pride and goals?

Mortality becomes a beggar’s trade,
yet were our lives not hemmed by earthly thread
would inspiration take that vital turn?
Here I've come into problems.  I understand mortality and vital connect, earthly thread and beggar connect.  But are you saying inspiration determines life? That beggars are uninspired, or that ...  maybe it's the 'not hemmed' throwing me off.

Or would our patience stagnate us instead?
I'm still thinking about beggars, and see an unfair spin to what could be factors beyond a beggars control.

‘Tis death that makes the fires of greatness burn.
Tis seems outdated language though the sentence rings true.  Most of this is about syllables, fire for me is two, but that's not an issue because it flows as one through the whole poem.

Take ev’ry breath with eyes cast to the sky –and on that note I don't think you need to shorten every because that also to me sounds like two syllables.  It does match the apostrophe'd 'tis but not enough of it to really fit the whole poem.
there’s time enough for grounding when you die.

I love the last two lines together.  Brings back the hourglass, and I think it's funny how death ignites the fire of greatness, yet 'grounding' can put out a fire.

The whole poem seems like an inspirational speaker expecting greatness from their own life and the attitude to get it, but some of the wording throws me off.  I of course didn't catch any literary references, but really am impressed with the cohesion of an early attempt at lyrical writing.  I am beating myself trying to crandallize the sonnet form...

Thanks for posting