10-13-2016, 04:32 PM
Man, this read like a fun Outkast song for me -- liked it. Hate the sudden enlargement of words in the middle though, as that only served to distract. Also bits on the punctuation and junk: rather, "But I love my baby," for the first stanza; "whether girl or boy" and that "I love" again for the second; "Starting with a stain from a sticky condiment," and again, "But I love" for the third; "baby's my baby, too." for the refrain; "to get someone else to clean up your dung" doesn't sound right, maybe just "won't call CPS for this child's abuse, / for cleaning up your dung."; perhaps "I love you, baby, / and I'm watching my tongue / because as you get taller, each dollar gets smaller / and there's no leash and collar when you're finally a crawler."; "...once I've collapsed a lung, / shouting,", and even move "I love you baby" to the earlier stanza. Still, nice work.