10-12-2016, 05:25 AM
There are plenty of journals that will accept fusion prose/poetry, poetic prose, personal essays, etc. There is no lack of a market, just a lack of financial reward within that market 
While the overbred sense of entitlement -- and therefore the skewed perception of "fair" -- is not at all unusual in our society, and anything that shakes that entitlement can indeed lead to a (perhaps tragic) overreaction such as you describe, what is lacking here is sympathy for either character. Alan comes off seeming like a bit of a know-all goody two-shoes, and the protagonist is just a spoilt dickhead. To build sympathy, it would not be too difficult to insert a series of perceived slights in a more subtle way than just saying "Alan was better and the ginger didn't realise".
I enjoyed the way you used the suicide stanza to describe the very privileged life this fellow had led, and further contribute to the sense that he was just an ungrateful little shit. I don't think there's much to be gained by mentioning that his parents were away partying, as it's clear he's old enough to be left on his own. He's had his degree for six years, after all.
I actually enjoyed the Wagnerian stanza. It was nice to see some showing come into this rather than pure tell. "an empty life" is probably a step too far though.
It is probably best to cut out more of the tell: "the world wasn't fair", for example.
And Alan's background? Some more contrast would be good. Make us care. Build the tension. As it is, it's anticlimactic.
Despite some of the backbiting and nastiness that's been creeping into Serious Workshopping lately, I find that there is something here to be workshopped into a decent work of fusion that, with enough care, could certainly strike a chord with a wider audience.
While the overbred sense of entitlement -- and therefore the skewed perception of "fair" -- is not at all unusual in our society, and anything that shakes that entitlement can indeed lead to a (perhaps tragic) overreaction such as you describe, what is lacking here is sympathy for either character. Alan comes off seeming like a bit of a know-all goody two-shoes, and the protagonist is just a spoilt dickhead. To build sympathy, it would not be too difficult to insert a series of perceived slights in a more subtle way than just saying "Alan was better and the ginger didn't realise".
I enjoyed the way you used the suicide stanza to describe the very privileged life this fellow had led, and further contribute to the sense that he was just an ungrateful little shit. I don't think there's much to be gained by mentioning that his parents were away partying, as it's clear he's old enough to be left on his own. He's had his degree for six years, after all.
I actually enjoyed the Wagnerian stanza. It was nice to see some showing come into this rather than pure tell. "an empty life" is probably a step too far though.
It is probably best to cut out more of the tell: "the world wasn't fair", for example.
And Alan's background? Some more contrast would be good. Make us care. Build the tension. As it is, it's anticlimactic.
Despite some of the backbiting and nastiness that's been creeping into Serious Workshopping lately, I find that there is something here to be workshopped into a decent work of fusion that, with enough care, could certainly strike a chord with a wider audience.
It could be worse