Chrysalis [Edit 1]

[Lizzie]

Hi Alic! I think you have the beginnings of a very strong poem. This is a relevant topic and a strong metaphor to use as a base. I think that you could choose to write it in the 3rd or first person, but I would be consistent. You begin talking about an I, move in the middle to a 'one', kind of an outside person or a group of people, and then in the end is just the philosophical idea. I don't actually mind ending with the idea, per se, but I think it would be much more powerful if you were to use a consistent voice throughout and use that personification all the way to the end.

Trapped -- I actually thought this was the title at first. It feels very static, stranded above everything else. You could certainly use that feeling of being trapped in an inappropriate body to contrast with the constriction of the breast binding as it relates to the metamorphosis. Could be an interesting juxtaposition.

In a body that is my own
But feels as if it is not -- The phrasing on these two lines is very clunky. It's the 'as if it is not' part. It's hard to read.
Wishing I could have chosen
For myself

Strange, that. -- here's where the shift to talking about the struggle as if it's outside of the self happens, and I think you need to keep the conflicts personal (whatever voice you're writing it, I wouldn't switch to talking generally about a wider population. That lessens the poem's immediate impact.)

The appeal of one set of genitalia
Versus another, and how one
Could feel -- 'one could feel' seems as if you're dancing around the idea.

So
Very
Wrong -- I really like isolating those words and giving them maximum impact right in the middle.

Chemicals, hormones
Building muscle, stretching bone
Cloth binding breasts
That will soon be gone -- you could make more comparisons with what metamorphosis does with chemicals and hormones, how it builds muscle, how it might feel to stretch bone, etc.

Would it be wrong
To compare this
To metamorphosis? -- I actually love these last lines. Like kole said, I think the re-capitulation of 'wrong' is good, especially since a lot of folks still view gender-reidentification as a bad thing, unfortunately.

Just some general notes, I would also think about losing the caps at the beginning of every sentence. It used to be the norm, but it only confuses the reader, in my opinion.

If you want to use the metamorphosis idea but don't want to go the bug route and want it to be a little more abstract, I think that's fine. You might want to change your title, in that instance.

I hope this makes sense, but ask for more or clarification if you need. Sometimes I don't make sense.

But, again, I think you have a very solid base for a poem here, and I'm excited to see how you develop the ideas further.

lizziep