10-10-2016, 12:00 AM
(10-09-2016, 06:05 PM)rayheinrich Wrote: [quote='milo' pid='218186' dateline='1475982989']
I know you aren't looking for critique, but I found this enjoyable but with some that could be cut - "down" on the first line, etc. the passive voice interjection on s2 was appropriate where normally I would balk.
Actually I am looking for critique. Though in misc. you have to give it out of charity...
(and I'm always, it seems, taking advantage of it.)
Yes, that "down"... I decided to take it out of the second line instead of the first.
Does that seem to fix part of what you didn't like?
yes, the one after mosquitoes, the problem with posting on my phone I suppose.