10-09-2016, 06:05 PM
(10-09-2016, 12:16 PM)milo Wrote: I know you aren't looking for critique, but I found this enjoyable but with some that could be cut - "down" on the first line, etc. the passive voice interjection on s2 was appropriate where normally I would balk.
Actually I am looking for critique. Though in misc. you have to give it out of charity...
(and I'm always, it seems, taking advantage of it.)
Yes, that "down"... I decided to take it out of the second line instead of the first.
Does that seem to fix part of what you didn't like?
(10-09-2016, 04:05 PM)Achebe Wrote: I like the particularity of the observations - for instance, the shorts are still there but thicker, and the grasses are still growing, but more slowly. I like how the ending loops back to the beginning - a device that never stales. And the picture makes it perfect.
But is 'quieting' a word? I thought it was 'quietening'?
Thanks for reading and liking.
P.S. They're both decent words. 'Quieting' is more U.S. and 'quietening' is more Brit.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions