10-07-2016, 01:11 PM
Zorcas - I guess you intended the sing song chanting quality of this, but for me the subject far outstrips its treatment.
The rhythm, though sing song is even throughout up to the last line which throws that rhythm off.
Maybe
in his soul of a sandbox
You include points that could stand a different treatment RC
The rhythm, though sing song is even throughout up to the last line which throws that rhythm off.
Maybe
in his soul of a sandbox
You include points that could stand a different treatment RC