Paralytically Metaphoric About The Negativity of An Ever Favoured Face.

[Leanne]

I find something quite hypnotic about the language in this.  You have, for the most part, good command of meter and the sonics are very soothing, particularly the assonance and alliteration.  I feel that there's something I'm missing, an allusion not quite met.

There are definitely lines that require attention, particularly L6/7 -- I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say but I think it would be improved with:

But to break, to mutate, it is monstrous -- behold!
How she claws with her eyes sparking fear and contempt

(I think you mean that she's clawing with her eyes, rather than at someone else's.  If I've missed the point, I apologise -- if not, then I quite like the odd verb usage.)

L9 falls short on meter due to odd stresses -- when I read it aloud I end up with tetrameter only, despite the syllable count.  The final line, despite being metrically sound, leaves me feeling like the poem is incomplete.  It's not a bad close in and of itself, but I feel that it comes too abruptly, from her being teary and kind of victim-sounding to suddenly having a solid conviction.  Just seems odd.

I don't think this is a scrapper, but it could definitely do with some grounding and possibly a couple more lines to sonnetise it