10-06-2016, 08:37 AM
The feathered man and jagged knife,
a totem on the heaven's steps.
Sun's gaze bleeding through cotton clouds,
dripping red into velvet sky.
A body writhes against the ropes,
the cold slab pushing against him.
Below, the mass of people sway,
and they pray to the darkest gods
that swallow the stars and night sky.
But now they hunger for life's debt.
Fear roots into the man's features.
The knife descending, it's sculpted.
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Great imagery in your poem its challenged me as a newbie to poetry as I find imagery difficult to produce at times. I love how you described the sun dripping red into the sky highlighting the violent nature of human sacrifice and the cold slab pushing against the victim almost personifying it as pushing the body up to the gods. Also how you rhyme sway and pray in reference to the people gives the idea their in some kind of trance. The use of the words "roots" and "sculpted" give strong vivid images to end with as well
a totem on the heaven's steps.
Sun's gaze bleeding through cotton clouds,
dripping red into velvet sky.
A body writhes against the ropes,
the cold slab pushing against him.
Below, the mass of people sway,
and they pray to the darkest gods
that swallow the stars and night sky.
But now they hunger for life's debt.
Fear roots into the man's features.
The knife descending, it's sculpted.
-------------------------------------------------
Great imagery in your poem its challenged me as a newbie to poetry as I find imagery difficult to produce at times. I love how you described the sun dripping red into the sky highlighting the violent nature of human sacrifice and the cold slab pushing against the victim almost personifying it as pushing the body up to the gods. Also how you rhyme sway and pray in reference to the people gives the idea their in some kind of trance. The use of the words "roots" and "sculpted" give strong vivid images to end with as well
Poetry is the unexpected utterance of the soul
Mark Nepo
Mark Nepo