Moe Edit 2

[kolemath]

I like the voice in this one; it's consistent and entertaining. some lines are troubled though, IMO


Moe

Hey Moe!
I gotta know, Moe,
what happened to the Corona commercials?
Where did they go?
Did plans change or are they just moving too slow?
"What's the story, buddy-buddy?
Give me a call, how about tomorrow? good sound ending here
We'll toke it up and hammer down, i'm confused about the shift into quotation marks; maybe i'm missing something about who moe is; i don't see quotes anywhere else..
just give me  a call" . . . I don't think so!

Hey Moe!!
I gotta know, Moe,
how many Tylenol did you consume today? cool line
Or is that alcohol flowing through your veins?
Follow your friends and all of their trends
to more expensive ends, or
do it in bed, and aim straight at your head. 
It's only lead, what are you waiting for? dark but it works, considering the drug problem above



Hey Moe,
would you stop being so dirtball, buddy-buddy?
I've no respect for wasted intelligence, i don't like 'intelligence,' even if i like the line
passing up all of the obvious benefits,
still living in an oblivious ignorance, too abstract and reaching for rhyme here; you're losing me
giving up the dream to keep up with current events. good
Don't be confused, this isn't coincidence. not so good
We all make mistakes; I was angry; I get it. not sure what's going on here
Your little insult was an innocent sentence.
It's a good life, and we might not get a second chance. this stanza is pretty mixed up to my reading; there's no core meaning to go on, unlike s2

Hey Moe!!!
what do you know?! cliche?
We'll disappear into the forgettable. good
How many years, we're bloated and stoned,
until the blink of an eye, like that, we're gone . . . ? i like this stanza overall
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thanks for sharing