09-29-2016, 01:40 PM
(09-20-2016, 10:20 AM)Heslopian Wrote: I conjured you with dreams and stolen skin, IP
The runes evil with deep longing. Weird. the RUNES Evil with DEEP LONGing
Your curves and muscles formed within IT
The confines of my warped bedding. Another weird one, and I'm not sure how to stress confines. the CONfines OF my WARPED BEDding
A shelf to lay a head of stone upon, IT
To melt it down to warm sinews... Yet another weird one, though at least consistent. to MELT it DOWN to WARM SINews
That was your torso of living iron; Yet another weird one. that WAS your TORso of LIVing Iron.
The heat between its plates renews, IT
And I am yours; obedient, I crave IT
What clefts and grows behind the doors of Shame. IP. So I take the intention is IP in the first and tenth lines, and IT in the rest? But your use of cleft is weird: isn't it the past tense of cleave already?
"Of Mist and Fancies thou art formed, a Knave
To show me Cities long debauched in Fame..." I tried googling this to figure out if this were a quote, and I discovered that this was quoted from a certain Jack Thomas Heslop. I wonder who that bozo is. xD
The spell created buttocks, lips, and lies,
To seek a flowered stalk between your thighs.
Ah, Pygmalion. I think I'm a little too distracted by the weird meter to get to the matter of this, although the ten-line I think does get a little weird meat-wise in the middle, especially concerning the semicolon'd parts. But otherwise, heady.