09-22-2016, 05:24 AM
Hey,
Beautiful poem! here are my comments:
Those luscious, golden locks on high
Like water drops fall from the sky (bit of a cliché, I would use another word than water drops)
And dare to snare a prideful beast,
For such tendrils is no feat.
Sweet to touch and soft to feel;
One has never felt so real (the meter sounds a bit off here, try to add a syllable or two)
But suddenly they sway away,
A river's peace I still remain.
Until the surface, struck by rock,
Sends ripples down upon my heart
Will these vines let loose of me,
And leave my soul to wander free.
But seriously, very well written!
Love,
Beautiful poem! here are my comments:
Those luscious, golden locks on high
Like water drops fall from the sky (bit of a cliché, I would use another word than water drops)
And dare to snare a prideful beast,
For such tendrils is no feat.
Sweet to touch and soft to feel;
One has never felt so real (the meter sounds a bit off here, try to add a syllable or two)
But suddenly they sway away,
A river's peace I still remain.
Until the surface, struck by rock,
Sends ripples down upon my heart
Will these vines let loose of me,
And leave my soul to wander free.
But seriously, very well written!
Love,