09-21-2016, 11:31 AM
This is a good (entertaining) poem. The context seems so obvious I'm surprised it hasn't popped up before now. Quite enjoyable. I just think that the lines
And where were they
that first time I was alone
read abit awkward the repetition of where were they that is a difficult sequence in the middle of a line break, I think, I think that entire last stanza could use a bit of a rework to make it flow better, like the first part does. I agree about cutting "these things"
And where were they
that first time I was alone
read abit awkward the repetition of where were they that is a difficult sequence in the middle of a line break, I think, I think that entire last stanza could use a bit of a rework to make it flow better, like the first part does. I agree about cutting "these things"
(09-10-2016, 12:15 AM)71degrees Wrote: Original
The emails I’ve been receiving
lately are so disturbing to me:
strangers asking me
about the size of my penis,
my stamina,
wondering
about my lady,
if she is satisfied.
Who are these
people?
How are they
privy to these things?
And where were they
that first time I was alone
with Sherri Longfellow
when I went home out of breath
and she was witness
to all those stains
of embarrassment?
Edit #1
Certain emails I’ve been receiving
lately disturb me.
Strangers ask about the size
of my penis, my stamina,
wondering about my lady,
if she is satisfied.
Who are these people
and how do they know
these things?
Where were they the first time
I was alone with Sherri Longfellow
when I went home breathless
and she was witness to all
those embarrassing stains?