Lovers’ Cliché

[Brownlie]

Lovers’ Cliché
REVISED 9/14/16
Written 4/20/16
 
You found me in the rain,
soaking wet like some cliché.
 
Once enraptured with your love,
now the fluttery feelings have gone away.
 
What the hell happened,
my fancy free friend?
 
Is your heart made of stone?
 
My heart rests in the place we met.
 
I could love you,
but I will leave you alone
 
For you,
 
I hope the waters that fill your cup
are sweet and to its brim.
 
That sunlight finds you,
and glows warm against your skin.
 
I hope that you remember when
we stood soaking in the rain,
and you will call me friend.
 
***Author's note: Tried my hand at a rewrite taking into consideration a few of the critiques that others had for my poetry.***

For You
Original
You told me so many pretty things
And you showed me your heart
 
But what was it for
It doesn’t mean anything
I don’t know you anymore
 
I could love you or I could leave you alone
 
All the fluttery feelings have gone
Is your heart made of stone
 
What the hell happened
My fancy free friend
 
I am not bound to you
But my heart is resting in the place we met
 
You found me in the rain
Soaking wet like some cliché
 
For a minute
I was swept up in the splendor of your love
But now all the pretty things have gone away
 
I am empty in the naked light of day
I cut along the dotted lines
So, if you care at all
I swear I’ll be ok
 
For you,
 
I hope the waters that fill your cup
Are sweet and to its brim
 
And that sunlight finds you
And glows warm against your skin
 
That though you may be gone from me
You will remember when
We stood, soaking in the rain
And you will call me friend
 

This is definitely cliche, but it's not bad. Not everyone can write coherently. I guess being more original will give things extra points -in the poetry realm of things.

---

Lovers’ Cliché
REVISED 9/14/16
Written 4/20/16
 
You found me in the rain,
soaking wet like some cliché.
 
Once enraptured with your love,
now the fluttery feelings have gone away.
 
What the hell happened,
my fancy free friend?
 
Is your heart made of stone?
 
My heart rests in the place we met.
 
I could love you,
but I will leave you alone
 
For you,
 
I hope the waters that fill your cup
are sweet and to its brim.
 
That sunlight finds you,
and glows warm against your skin.
 
I hope that you remember when
we stood soaking in the rain,
and you will call me friend.
 
***Author's note: Tried my hand at a rewrite taking into consideration a few of the critiques that others had for my poetry.***

For You
Original
You told me so many pretty things
And you showed me your heart
 
But what was it for
It doesn’t mean anything
I don’t know you anymore
 
I could love you or I could leave you alone
 
All the fluttery feelings have gone
Is your heart made of stone
 
What the hell happened
My fancy free friend
 
I am not bound to you
But my heart is resting in the place we met
 
You found me in the rain
Soaking wet like some cliché
 
For a minute
I was swept up in the splendor of your love
But now all the pretty things have gone away
 
I am empty in the naked light of day
I cut along the dotted lines
So, if you care at all
I swear I’ll be ok
 
For you,
 
I hope the waters that fill your cup
Are sweet and to its brim
 
And that sunlight finds you
And glows warm against your skin
 
That though you may be gone from me
You will remember when
We stood, soaking in the rain
And you will call me friend
 

This is definitely cliche, but it's not bad.  I guess being more original will give things extra points -in the poetry realm of things.