09-17-2016, 06:51 AM
Thanks Alic, I'm glad you said that! I abandoned the war idea because after ten years it still didn't feel right. Lacking in truth, and therefore real emotion. Are you suggesting I keep the original idea, with stronger war references, or as far as capturing emotion the edit is decent enough. The problem I've reached here is two different poems with almost exactly the same format. I was afraid the edit was too personal.
This edit seems, to me, more like a married couple growing apart than a couple seperated by war, with the wife not caring about her (ex?) husband anymore and the husband still caring deeply for his (ex?) wife. It's personal, but not quite the way you intended. Maybe reference the actual war going on?
Good luck!
Best,
Alic.
[/quote]
This edit seems, to me, more like a married couple growing apart than a couple seperated by war, with the wife not caring about her (ex?) husband anymore and the husband still caring deeply for his (ex?) wife. It's personal, but not quite the way you intended. Maybe reference the actual war going on?
Good luck!
Best,
Alic.
[/quote]
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