Cheaters

[RiverNotch]

I'll tell you what I hate 'bout meter:
it seems like everyone's a cheater
with magic 'postrophies like 'ere
and ne'er and where-the-bleeping e'er
it makes the iambs work. Well, hell
then I'll just make up language too
with lazy arr'gance like you've never
dreamed! Like a banker far behind meter seems to fall apart here. actually, it really falls apart in the next line, where the trochaic sub is schmutzed midline (and i think that's the no no that kills prosody most of the time), but this verse is pretty funny, and usually funny verse demands a hypnotic devotion to meter (how ironic).
in Scrabble, I'll add th's like taxes. though unlike Lovely Rita, i'm no meter master, i think with the add after i'll the i'll becomes unstressed (add's too punchy in both sound and meaning to be unstressed, so that it becomes iamb pyrrhic trochee iamb, ie all over the place.
It's effortless, 'cause poemeth after that's a gross abuse of the enthing even the unwitting (but serial) archaist would decry -- everyone (but Steven Universe, it seems) knoweth ye enthing is for verbes! also poem is tricky -- is it really monosyllabic? which i think would make it too close to the fruit type to be sweet. oh, and last, considering poem as monosyllabic: iamb pyrrhic iamb iamb halfstep -- which, yeah, could work, but i always think breaks like this kill the scansion, taking away that crucial marking stress.
poemeth just butchers nat'ral speech. and we're back, though again, with the double weirdness of that poemeth, patience is stretched.
It's stucketh in my brain! Yes, I
can play that game. 
i dunno, the femme endings seem too lumped together to look, er, deliberate. the moments you diverge from them, it almost seems as if you made a mistake. otherwise, fair enough, although this whole thing feels like a prequel to a for fun post,

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Hello all! Can I get some feedback on the meter? I'm trying to use trochaic and Pyrrhic substitutions as well as both masculine and feminine endings. Thank you ><