09-14-2016, 10:44 PM
(09-14-2016, 02:44 PM)rayheinrich Wrote:
< recipe > I wonder: why do all your titles seem to be presented like this?
we're bakers
my wife and I
snug in our kitchen
among the flour and our implements
the timer set for measuring
in clicks and dings
the loaves in hours
rising
ruled
like us
the leavening
it rises us as well somehow, this line doesn't speak as cleanly as its sisters.
the window
and its morning sky
with its cool breath
the oven with it's hot with its hot or with its heat or did the speaker break? but the speaker break just looks clumsy, if intended. otherwise, enhances the wavy nature of the piece.
we close our eyes
and open it wavy -- open eyes, open oven, eyes is oven. lovely---
and feel its heat
our thoughts confined
to dough and fingers kneading
punching down the coming loaf
our thoughts confined
to thinking all the thoughts
that touching makes
that memories upset
our eyes
precise and absolute
the certainty of dough
its stickiness not sure if at this stage of the kneading, it should still be sticky, though.
and here it's almost noon
the light
the open window
with a warmer breath
the oven stays the same
our eyes
and what appears through them
our view of life
as life flies out of us
and what we see
we see
and seeing changes
with the baking loaves
the light that leaves
us still alive
the heat
the oven
how the sweat of bodies mocks
our silly sweating hearts
we laugh
like valentines
like love
comes pouring in from i like how this is suddenly so enjambed -- feels like a transition. but is it really?
memories invited by the scent it isn't. the speaker seems to pull back, and the whole thing feels....deft.
the loaves again
the oven and the dinging time
that must be answered
yet we stand
we've stood here stop waiting, you'll waste the dough.
in this kitchen
all our lives
our tiny world and then returns, although hints of depth of feeling have been abounding long before, so not a straight shot, surely -- sort of speaks about the scope of the piece, makes it feel all the more like home.
we follow it
and listen to
the language of the cook feels like the cook, the chef, is God, and the bakers are his children -- or perhaps God manifested in the human impulse to love, that is love both ways, the hallowed union of the Church and Christ and the carnal union of the Christ and church.
of bakers
simply making what they make
ignore the world
accept its light
the window and its and then another strange break -- hmmm....
breath much cooler now
the oven still the same
but more appreciated now
the years have come
they've traveled through us
made us bakers
in the shape of loaves
though now we've firmed
and settled some
the clouds
so deeply colored now
our eyes connected
here it comes
the sunset through our window
and the timer dings though wasn't it already dinging in "the oven and the dinging time"? the inconsistency feels awful -- perhaps the earlier line, instead of dinging, should be, say, ticking?
the loaves are done
we're bakers
and our bread awaits somehow, i envision a curious blend of an old, old couple tallying every little detail (repetitively, as if to emphasize not the actual things, but what they represent -- rather, how they feel, if things could truly love), and a fresh, fresh couple getting ready (even already in the process of, considering all this heat) to create/creating a child. it's kinda sweet----perhaps the old couple is possessing their younger selves, inflecting experienced memories into new, momentous ecstasies. it still doesn't feel like it's entirely my kind of piece, but eh, lovely nevertheless.
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![[Image: bread.jpg]](http://wordbiscuit.com/im12/bread.jpg)