09-06-2016, 08:59 AM
Poems like this, like lyrics to some songs, don't read that well on paper.
They're really designed to be spoken, to be performed.
And it's well performed. I closed my eyes and listened and it sounded good.
There are some lines I'd edit a bit, a few cliches I'd take out.
And the delivery needs to have some softer parts to add contrast to the
stronger ones.
But that said, I was really impressed with the delivery, and with that,
the poem as a whole.
Would love to see more of your stuff.
Ray
They're really designed to be spoken, to be performed.
And it's well performed. I closed my eyes and listened and it sounded good.
There are some lines I'd edit a bit, a few cliches I'd take out.
And the delivery needs to have some softer parts to add contrast to the
stronger ones.
But that said, I was really impressed with the delivery, and with that,
the poem as a whole.
Would love to see more of your stuff.
Ray
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions