09-06-2016, 05:00 AM
It is quite joyous -- loving rrrrunchy skapcorch, I can hear that very clearly.
"bloopering" ruins the end for me. It's a clumsy word and its sounds -- the oo in particular -- make it too much of a focal point against the sharp alveolar consonants (t, d) surrounding. Although there is one other b sound in that line, abundant, it's carrying a quick syllable and doesn't detract. Sound is vital when it's your primary driver. Also, reign has the only long a sound aside from the beginning amorphous and it could probably be rethought. I could pick on the overly alliterative final line but it might still work without other distractions.
"bloopering" ruins the end for me. It's a clumsy word and its sounds -- the oo in particular -- make it too much of a focal point against the sharp alveolar consonants (t, d) surrounding. Although there is one other b sound in that line, abundant, it's carrying a quick syllable and doesn't detract. Sound is vital when it's your primary driver. Also, reign has the only long a sound aside from the beginning amorphous and it could probably be rethought. I could pick on the overly alliterative final line but it might still work without other distractions.
It could be worse