09-05-2016, 02:45 AM
(09-04-2016, 11:10 AM)dukealien Wrote: Edit 1
Unmet
While sidewalk-biking home I met a man
or did not meet - the man I saw was blind. Nice intriduction, clearly identifies the characters and their relations.
He crabbed along, each twisting step a find
of safety when and if his faith outran “when and if his faith outran" does this mean he doesn't entirely trust the cane?
the sweep and scrape of slender, questing cane
striped white and red, antenna of an ant. Very nice comparison there, well thought out.
Black, bulging goggles also helped to plant
this likeness; his set jaw rejected pain. Did you mean his likeness, or were you carrying on the ant comparison?
I hopped the curb and rode past in the street:
did he hear clicking sprocket, whispered tires
and make of us a pair of witting liars I don't see how you riding past made him a liar, but maybe that's just me.
who passed on by, pretending not to meet? These last four lines really hit home with me.
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dustEdgy sayings
“Inspirational" stuff

