09-04-2016, 03:39 AM
(09-02-2016, 03:25 PM)nikkisto Wrote: Let me just say that there are some beautiful phrases here. I love the last stanza and the image that you paint with those words. Stylistically, the formatting and line breaks seem to take away from what is a lovely, melancholy poem. I am also very, very new to poetry technicalities and should not be taken completely seriously when it comes to the rules. "Now I find, in the hush of a wakeful soul..." So much beauty there that I want to see it stand on its own as the lead of that last stanza. It gets lost to me some times, the words when we jump line breaks and pull things here to there. Beautiful piece to start. Very well done!!Thank you, nikkisto. But no, I will not ignore your "formatting nonsense talk." Nor do I consider it such. One of my goals of having this workshopped was to see if it stood even when the form wasn't recognized. I can't say I'll change line breaks to be inconsistent with the form, but it's definitely helpful to know how it the audience might read it. I might consider breaking stanzas differently though...
And then, I do my due diligence in reading more crits and see that, yes, I've missed a technical point. Do ignore my formatting nonsens talk. Hahaha. Beautifully started, awaiting the edits!