The Birth of a Straight Man, v 2.1.1: kolemath, lizziep, Wjames, Achebe, D.MYST

[Lizzie]

Hey River! I think that with this last revision you're almost there. I have a couple more tiny things that I saw, but, overall, I think it's very well done and a compelling narrative. I have always felt very drawn into the speaker's world -- it's honest and intense.

4
When I was younger, maybe eleven or twelve,
I found God in his most popular form, -- I'd consider ending this line with 'Love.' I feel like it's gotten tucked away too much at the beginning of the next line, and it's rather easy to miss, actually. My eye keeps going right down to Sallman Head. But, maybe that's just me 
Love. The Sallman Head, the Image of Edessa:
nothing compares to the little red-haired girl,
Botticelli's vision,
that lied all Roman on the wooden seat -- did you mean 'lay' instead of 'lied'? Putting in Botticelli here really cleared up my previous confusion with the scene.
by the fireplace -- to the virgin that roasted
like a Christmas pig
as the rising sun cast its burning rays
on my shut eyes and smiling face.
And the masculine word tore through me
like a priest's knife,
no, like a madman's razor. -- I understand what you mean with the masculine word now, and so I think you should make it stand out a little bit more. I would write it as "like a priest's knife -- no -- like a madman's razor." As it is here, I always thought that the 'no' was like the speaker saying it wasn't a priest's knife if was a madman's razor. Or, you could put it in quotes to combat that confusion, "like a priest's knife, "NO," like a madman's razor." And then I would use the same formatting down below with the 'no' to bring that bit some clarity and oomph. 

5
When I was younger, maybe thirteen or fourteen,
God revealed the rainbow. First,
from a boy whose heart in my presence
always went like mad
came my first kiss, given wet with eros,
received dry with philautia. I pushed him away,
no, punched him to the ground. Second, -- here is where I would do the same thing, "I pushed him away, "NO," punched him to the ground. Basically I would just make those stand out more as declarations, that's all.
my ailing mother died, her last words:
"My bedroom smells of bacon."
I did not kiss her as she lay
all bald, all dark, all swollen.

6
Only in my evening room did I weep
when I was younger, maybe fifteen or sixteen,
figuring: "Surely now I should run out the closet!"
But then God's true image,
Justice, shot out of the sky -- I'd like some kind of image here for Justice coming out of the sky.
and onto my prepuce, so that I knew
my pierced eyes already were fate,
my peers' lies already looked straight. -- I really like the ending rhyme and the content. It provides a satisfying close.