09-02-2016, 06:05 PM
The poem felt like puberty as a rite of passage to me, right from the first reading of the title. It reminds me of Pinocchio, and the way the Blue Fairy made him a real boy. For me this is Peter Pan, moving from the mind into the body. He's not really impressed so far. I like the different sensory cues, the colours, and the way the carrot, yanked from the earth, hooks back into the first word, levitation.
If you revise this, you could trim filler words, and maybe make the first line more active, rather than the passive 'was' . I misread 'I feel my goblin' and laughed too much.
It's a good beginning - thanks for the read.
If you revise this, you could trim filler words, and maybe make the first line more active, rather than the passive 'was' . I misread 'I feel my goblin' and laughed too much.
It's a good beginning - thanks for the read.