Father, Have I Sinned?

[Achebe]

Here, upon a stranded altar, where long days of youth are spent ....incomplete sentence. Also, 'long days of youth' is rather flowery (pardon the pun).
At first, a hair tousle, that proceeds a firm and impish grip ...'shouldn't it be 'precedes' or 'proceeds to a..'' An imp is a mischievous goblin, but you are after something more diabolical
The pious servant demands that the sinner, of ten, repent [i].' HERE / at / the'...the line starts have inconsistent stress patterns (that's how I'd put it....trochee or spondees or whatever)[/i]

Lift up my heavy head, and press the cup to my waiting lip [i][i]'The change in narration from third to first person bothered me initially, but I can live with it. Although it's the opposite of a cup, really. A spout maybe?[/i][/i]
We were saved by the blood, and kept by water; seal me in this this is a nice line
For heaven's sake, alone, my hushed mouth will take clandestine sip

How could salvation be odious? I'm sickened by its kiss
Still, even in the warmth of bed, or mother's breast, or prayer
I'll keep my covenant, and never claim Father is amiss I'm left wondering if it might make sense to have S1 from the third person POV, S2 from that of the priest and S3 from the boy's, in 3 different voices. 

I realize this meter and scheme are a bit less common..I'm not sure if I've ever seen them combined. I wanted the poem to sound a bit disjointed. Usually my poems are very melodic/rhythmic. The fractured  feeling here was intentional.