Longing Edit 1 - eric

[cvanshelton]

Hi cvanshelton,

There’s a heck of a lot to like here.

“[O]ld shoes sprout dust” is perfect! So true, so right. I also really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the shoes and the stormy/icy sky.

In the way of critique, I think there might be too much going on in the first two lines. Perhaps they could be very slightly pruned?

Awesome read

e

Thanks so much, Eric. I think you are right. I've paired it down a little. Hopefully, it works better.