Keeping You

[makeshift]

I like the extended smoking thing, especially when it or aspects of it become metaphor for something else. Poem made me think of teenagers, because of the reference to mom. Whole thing made me think of grunge music. Thanks for sharing, hope my critique helps!

I wish I had the hands of Michelangelo
so I could sculpt another you
out of my tears and all your ashes; 
not a David, but a you--- These first three lines verge on cliche I think, though I do really like this fourth line, feels sincere. David is so ideal, its nice that your knockin that down
your lungs, your heart, our eyes Our eyes is nice, gives me a sense of shared experience between the narrator and their pal
fired in a kiln of Bic lighters Bic lighters is a pleasntly surprising image, a lot more contemporary then Michelangelo's david
until sooty and black.
 
I would stuff you with those million foam filters
that you flicked between the bricks on our front porch Bricks bring me back to Bic
so you’d be squishy and soft,
then scent you in Irish Spring
and whiten with Crest. I inmagine this is something done, to hide cigarettes, after reading this paired with "and not telling mom" these seem like  devices to hide this persons habit. I like the way my senses our activated here.
I’d mind never to set you too close
to the microwave, so you’d never get
nuked out of existence--- This microwave image feels like its probably inspired by something personal but I couldn't tell ya what. Nuked sure is violent though, my mind goes to chemotherapy but I dont think a reading that literal is necessary. The break for again is dramatic, my fear would be that its melodramatic, you already got the dash going on, but on the otherhand I do appreciate how the poem plays with page/space throughout.
 
again.
 
Once you were the Marlboro man
and we rode together, not on a Camel, Creative image
but in a ‘97 Ford Taurus:
You in the front,
me in the car seat behind you.
We sang along to “Mrs. Robinson,”
blew bubbles,
and I learned your particular
“drag racing.” This has a nice double meaning, maybe my favorite bit of this stanza
Those trips to Circle K
meant ice-cream drumsticks,
more fuel [for your   a d d i c t i o n]
and not telling mom. This line is nice as well, reminds me of the forbidden mischief of young people
_________________________________________________________________________ Idk about this fellow, might be intrusive
 
You built our home out of old cardboard packs Nice! this poem builds to this well, the mental space between these two characters is made of these smokin memories or something to that effect.
in the center of a ring-around-the-rosie. I like the naivety of this but wonder if you cant find something more specific, the ending works, but I think its certainly not the poems strongest point.
 
But when we all fell down,
you never
               got
                   back
                          up.
 
 
My Marlboro man.  v sentimental