August (Haiku) - Edit2

[dukealien]

Great imagery with the second line. And "stutters" is a perfect verb to describe how they fly and pause. I really liked that. The first line seemed disjointed and I couldn't get a solid image from it. But those last two lines...golden.

You're right, I've changed that first line at least ten times and it still doesn't work - my disadvantage in having been there, picked up the driftwood from the gutter, and wondered how the heck it got there, 300 miles from the sea.  Dry, yes, but so unnatural... should probably devote that line to a more plausible part of the scene - ironweed, perhaps.

Thanks!  With these darned little poems it's good to know parts are working, but a miss anywhere's as good as a mile.