08-27-2016, 03:34 AM
"I call you ugly, I kiss you
goodnight, I lie to
myself, I love myself,
I bury myself, but I
rise as well."
I actually like these lines, contrary to what most in this thread are saying. Certain words, like "ugly," jar the reader from the duality induced inattentiveness this poem expels. And I say that because your duality is very predictable. We know instinctively what the next line is going to be. It also feels unresolved and lacking nuance. Eventually the dual halves have to converge. Remember, its the grays and earth colors in a painting that give the heavenly colors more saturation (this from an artist).
goodnight, I lie to
myself, I love myself,
I bury myself, but I
rise as well."
I actually like these lines, contrary to what most in this thread are saying. Certain words, like "ugly," jar the reader from the duality induced inattentiveness this poem expels. And I say that because your duality is very predictable. We know instinctively what the next line is going to be. It also feels unresolved and lacking nuance. Eventually the dual halves have to converge. Remember, its the grays and earth colors in a painting that give the heavenly colors more saturation (this from an artist).