08-27-2016, 01:16 AM
Hey Lizziep
I really like the way this reads, it reminds me of a favorite novel of mine and my wife's "Rebecca"
Just some suggestions (see below)
I really like the way this reads, it reminds me of a favorite novel of mine and my wife's "Rebecca"
Just some suggestions (see below)
(08-21-2016, 03:09 AM)lizziep Wrote: A man and woman sat across
from me. She reclined into (into on) him
like he was a plush couch,
warming herself in his cashmere (? cashmere) arms,
a familiar blanket. The way she leaned on (on into) him,
he seemed to be the only solid part of her.
She rarely spoke; he talked almost continuously. (? line break)
When he spoke to me he said, "I noticed your shoes,"
and she pulled away
from him, rigid, (? rigidly gaping)
as if to acquire
a wider image
of a foreign object.
Then she leaned (? leaned postured)
toward me,
and remained that way,
like a meerkat
on guard.
Someday the Mystery will be known

