Enûma Eliš (edit 1 Leanne, Philatone)UPDATE tectak

[tectak]

More please Mister tectak.
_______________________________
Syntactical error, my fault.

"When high heaven yet was named" --> "When high heaven was yet named"

Does that work as a negative?No I mean, just read Enuma Elis, tablet one....oh, you have. So if you choose to use it as an intro why muck about with the sense of it?

paraphrased( and cocked up) from"When above the heaven had not yet been named" first line of  Enûma Eliš.

Which makes me note that there are no quote marks around the first line as there should be. I thought I had them there at one time. Will rectify. Where I come from we only use quote marks when we are quoting, not paraphrasing.

Didn't realize I had used "mold" twice. Good catch.


"arrogant power their reply"

As this is titled  "Enûma Eliš" which is the Babylonian creation story, I would have thought that the two things not specifically said in this line would be understood: that it referred to the gods and that it is use of that power in an arrogant or uncontrolled way. Maybe I need to split it into two lines and make it more explanatory? Do you think this would work better?
Pedantic parsnip my reply
"my unjust and shameful exile" It works

He (Prometheus metaphor) was exiled for giving man fire (truth). He feels ashamed of himself now for doing so as he now sees man is not worthy of such a gift (this is explained later in the poem) and he feels his exile from the other gods is "unjust". Knowing the myth is not going to change the mess....it is all down to definitions. A good gift is nice, a bad gift is not....but surely, one might say, a bad gift (like giving someone the pox) is badly, and rarely if ever, named a gift?


Critique on,
Tom.


dale