08-23-2016, 05:11 AM
Next: Thanks for responding 
I'll take another look at my word choice, esp. the cashmere. I'll probably remove "almost" and I can do something different than "wider." Thanks for the suggestions!
Thanks for letting me know what's coming across for you, that's very helpful. I'll take another look at cashmere.
Hi, C! Hi-C?
The working title I had on it was "Red Shoes." Suggestions for a better one?
I'll look again at the intro line and the ending -- I certainly want those to be right. And you're right about the "pull" bit, I'll change that.
As for the sexual subtext, it's probably in there because of the relationship they obviously had with each other, but I didn't intentionally put it in. I'm fine with that being another added layer.
Thanks for letting me know what's working for you and what's not.
I'll take another look at my word choice, esp. the cashmere. I'll probably remove "almost" and I can do something different than "wider." Thanks for the suggestions!(08-21-2016, 06:46 PM)Alic Elliot Wrote: Is it normal that I found myself grinning as I read this? Or am I the only one who finds this funny?Well, the great thing about a little "scene" like this is that it allows for a range of different interpretations, so laugh away
Thanks for letting me know what's coming across for you, that's very helpful. I'll take another look at cashmere.Hi, C! Hi-C?
The working title I had on it was "Red Shoes." Suggestions for a better one?
I'll look again at the intro line and the ending -- I certainly want those to be right. And you're right about the "pull" bit, I'll change that.
As for the sexual subtext, it's probably in there because of the relationship they obviously had with each other, but I didn't intentionally put it in. I'm fine with that being another added layer.
Thanks for letting me know what's working for you and what's not.