08-22-2016, 12:25 AM
More please Mister tectak.
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Syntactical error, my fault.
"When high heaven yet was named" --> "When high heaven was yet named"
Does that work as a negative?
paraphrased from"When above the heaven had not yet been named" first line of Enûma Eliš.
Which makes me note that there are no quote marks around the first line as there should be. I thought I had them there at one time. Will rectify.
Didn't realize I had used "mold" twice. Good catch.
"arrogant power their reply"
As this is titled "Enûma Eliš" which is the Babylonian creation story, I would have thought that the two things not specifically said in this line would be understood: that it referred to the gods and that it is use of that power in an arrogant or uncontrolled way. Maybe I need to split it into two lines and make it more explanatory? Do you think this would work better?
"my unjust and shameful exile"
He (Prometheus metaphor) was exiled for giving man fire (truth). He feels ashamed of himself now for doing so as he now sees man is not worthy of such a gift (this is explained later in the poem) and he feels his exile from the other gods is "unjust".
Critique on,
Tom.
dale
_______________________________
Syntactical error, my fault.
"When high heaven yet was named" --> "When high heaven was yet named"
Does that work as a negative?
paraphrased from"When above the heaven had not yet been named" first line of Enûma Eliš.
Which makes me note that there are no quote marks around the first line as there should be. I thought I had them there at one time. Will rectify.
Didn't realize I had used "mold" twice. Good catch.
"arrogant power their reply"
As this is titled "Enûma Eliš" which is the Babylonian creation story, I would have thought that the two things not specifically said in this line would be understood: that it referred to the gods and that it is use of that power in an arrogant or uncontrolled way. Maybe I need to split it into two lines and make it more explanatory? Do you think this would work better?
"my unjust and shameful exile"
He (Prometheus metaphor) was exiled for giving man fire (truth). He feels ashamed of himself now for doing so as he now sees man is not worthy of such a gift (this is explained later in the poem) and he feels his exile from the other gods is "unjust".
Critique on,
Tom.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.