Red Patent Shoes -- revision

[Alic Elliot]

Is it normal that I found myself grinning as I read this? Or am I the only one who finds this funny?

Well, as for critique (more like praise- I really like this), I offer this.

“like he was a plush couch" and “his cashmere arms" seems a bit off to me. When I think ‘plush couch' I think big and fluffy with fabric that has fibers that move when you swipe your hand over them. On the other hand, ‘cashmere' immediately brings to mind James Bond, and Anthony DiNozzo Sr. Wealthy, rich, suave men who know how to get what they want. A different fabric could be used in “his cashmere arms". Velvet, perhaps?

Now, a few points of what I like.

First of, the way it's presented. Should I say form? I dunno. Either way, I like the way the line length and overall feel of the poem change with the woman's feelings.

The idea of some woman staring at me like a meerkat on guard just because her significant other is off-putting, in a good way. Great imagery. Kudos to you for that.

If I continued on what I like, I'd be here for a while, so that'll be all for now.